Dan “Southpaw” Smith’s parody of “Baby Got Back” as seen on VH1’s WebJunk http://www.whiteboydj.com

I’m very motivated right now…that’s why I’m blogging while sitting at Caribou with my lesson plan books in front of me…the only problem is that I’m motivated to be distracted.  Pure distraction…and no, there’s not a cute guy sitting across from me;)

I want to pray.  I want to read my book.  I want to have a conversation.  I want to sing aloud with the love song that’s playing on my earphones right now.  I want to watch a movie.  I want to get a shoulder massage (I’ve been sitting here a long time).  I want to just people-watch.  I want to sit by a real fire🙂 and get out of the draft.

Just read what I wrote…can prayer possibly be a distraction?  That doesn’t make sense.

I may not be a mom yet, but I’ve got 24 kids!  My nephew, Ross, gets very confused by this thought.

Today my boss was trying to entice me to do something with a comp day-a free day!  I said that I probably wouldn’t use it.  I have 8 days to still take this year and I’ve never used all my days in a year of teaching.  She whispered to the person next to her, "Burton, can’t take days off because it’d be on her conscience…she loves her kids too much."  I made a silly face and said that it was true…I absolutely love my class this year!

Above and beyond the fact that enjoying my kids is great enough, my boss knows it!  While I know my priority is to please God, I have to admit that it’s kind of nice to be noticed by my boss too.  Praise God for His undying love and for the love that He allows to flow through me.  Sure can’t love people on my own!

**I’ve included my students in my enjoyment of 24.  They’re so funny about it.  This morning, Tylan brought me a post-it note with the new season information on it.  He was watching TV last night and thought of me…wanted to make sure that I was informed;)

Yesterday afternoon I arrived safely at the Philadelphia airport.  I had a couple-hour wait because I was hitchin’ a ride to my parents’ place with my brother and his family, who were flying in from Chicago.  Salivating about the Philly cheesesteaks my mom was going to make for dinner, I was still a bit hungry as I was walking to get my baggage.  Then, it was like Heaven opened up…the King of Pizza place was right in front of me, selling fabulous slices of authentic Philly-Italian pizza.   

*Side story…if you’ve never heard, I’m not a big fan of pizza where I live in Metro Detroit.  We’ve got Buddy’s and Amicci’s, which are both decent.  But all the other places-the franchises?  Oh man, nothing compares to real, good, authentic pizza made by an Italian family in Philly.  I tend to just call it "pizza-shop pizza". The crust, the sauce, the seasonings…I even think the cheese is better MMMMM….(Same effect in New York:)

  Anyway, I hadn’t had pizza this good in a year-since the last time I was here!  It was so good I had to resist the temptation not to have another slice, but with God’s grace, I made it through.  I continued to stand strong, but it was definitely a little tougher with the cheesesteaks later on….:)  (Thanks Mom!)

**I’d also like to follow up my enjoyment of Philly food with some inspiration…I jogged 3 times this week!  🙂

I just finished my 2 month study on the book of Isaiah, which in its 66 books has an abundance of lessons to learn.  I have been intrigued by history (although I’ve never been a great history student, remembering facts) and in reading through this book I have seen God’s presence in the past, in my present and in the future of all of us! 

In my desire to understand more about different events, thoughts, prophesies, et
c. in the Bible, I have asked for a chronological Bible for Christmas.  I really, really hope I get it.:)

This past year I woke up on January 1, went to church and asked God to change specific things in my life.  Crazy things happen when we ask for change…He does it!  Well, I’m still a work-in-progress, but He’s been consistent with these changes, that’s for sure.  No longer do New Years resolutions have anything to do with who I’ve been in the past.  They have much more to do with who God is creating me to be. 

Since I was little I’ve been a Bible-reader.  I was challenged to read the Bible through in Missionettes and in JH/high school my youth pastors challenged us to stay strong in the Word.  During Bible college I not only read the Bible, but took classes on how to study the Bible.  I must be awesome at it now!  Not so.  The more I read the Bible, the more ignorant I realize I am about this holy Word of God. 

So, even before January 1, 2007, I am asking God to help me understand the Bible on a deeper level this year.  I’m praying that as I dive into the Word in this chronological order I will be able to see how different things play into each other in Scripture and in history.  I want to see those moments in Psalms when David prayed for God’s strength and then received them somewhere in 1 Samuel…you know, the cause and effect.

Looking forward to another year of life-change-although I’m honestly hoping it’s not quite as hard to walk through as this past year, but, whatever it takes.  🙂

Allow me to give you a backstory to what you’re about to read. 

During the summer of 2000, I had a conversation with a good friend of mine one evening.  It was a Wednesday night and we had just left our regular Praise Gathering-completely inspired by God’s presence.  It was a beautiful night and we begain talking, on the corner, about some dreams.  Out of nowhere it came out that I had a dream to run.  I spoke so passionately about my desire to run that there were actually tears in my eyes (I had no idea that I cared so much about that!)  Jessica-my friend-was moved.  I told her that I wanted to run a 5K and maybe even a marathon someday.  I tried to do something about that desire, by jogging a few times a week.  That fall, my RD-Sharon, an avid runner-tried to help me, but I lacked motivation once the cold hit…in Minneapolis.  By November I think I was completely unmovitated. 

Since that time I’ve gone through so many spurts of loving to jog (I definitely jog-not run).  Every time I’ve gone through those spurts I’ve felt awesome but then something happens.  What I think I’ve realized is how closely it correlates to how much Satan loves to discourage me, and how much I’ve let him do it.  For years I’ve felt a desire, a passion, to run (jog:).  Something like that, in me, was divinely placed there. Inside me there is an innate desire to be healthy and fit, and to run!  It’s been there for a long time and I keep coming back to it. 

Last July (2 July’s ago) I did a 5K with my friend, Anne Marie.  She posted on her blog that I ran a 5K with her, but what really happened was-she ran a 5K and I jogged half a 5K and walked half a 5K.  It’s okay, I wasn’t as much a runner as I wanted to be.  In her recent post she stated that she wanted to run a 10K in the spring.  I thought, "Go right ahead, Anne," not really considering this again.  But something has sparked in me through some conversations with Christy, Emily and Anne Marie.  I’m kind of inspired to go at it again!  (except this time I’m not gonna let a little girl pass me;) 

I just finished a conversation, during which I committed to running a 5k again!…and maybe even a 10K!  A 10K seems a bit far-fetched for me right now, but I think there may be hope.  I don’t hope there’s hope, with Jesus there is hope…period.  Back to the whole "Satan loves to discourage me" thing, I am here to expose the lie that I cannot run a 10K.

With all the ways that God has been changing me this year, it’s no surprise that I can actually see myself doing it!  He has challenged me to obey him with my body in a deeper way than I had ever allowed Him to!  It’s been fabulous.  I’m amazed at the way that He’s changed my life, and it’s been quite a journey!  And it’s been an "inside-out" experience-literally! 

What on earth is He gonna do next in me?  Perhaps I will run that marathon that I’ve wanted to run for several years!

I couldn’t help it but relate to Hezekiah as I read Isaiah 36-37 this morning.  The king of Assyriah taunted Hezekiah and his kingdom.

On what are you basing this confidence of yours?…And if you say to me, ‘We are depending on the LORD our God’-isn’t he the one whose high places and altars Hezekiah removed, saying to Judah and Jerusalem, ‘You must worship before this altar?’  vs.4, 7

Hezekiah worked to tear down idols that his people were worshipping.  And still the enemy (which you would’ve almost thought would’ve left along with the idols) comes and tries to bring discouragement, saying that LORD will not be able to deliver them from the Assyrians-who at this point had defeated many.  The king of Assyria tried to make it sound like the idols that were torn down were of this LORD that they worshipped.  He put questions in their minds and tried to cause them to doubt.  He told them not to listen to Hezekiah-not to trust him when he says that God will deliver them.

I find myself in this predicament at times.  I’ve actually been facing this taunting for awhile now, although I’m finding that because I don’t believe those lies so much anymore, it’s way easier to shut up the enemy.  🙂  I have idols that I’ve torn down in my life.  To be a little transparent, one of them is food.  Unfortunately if you know me, that won’t surprise you.  I kind of wish that it would surprise people, but fat chance (hah!  no pun intended).  Throughout my life I’ve heard preachers joke about their own weight and gluttony, and I’ve only ever heard one sermon specifically on the sin of gluttony and food as an idol.  Most of the other 17 works of the sinful nature get touched on though (the ones from Galatians 5)…so why not this one?

One of these last weeks of Neos, Pastor Brad’s sermon message was entitled Feast or Famine.  While he wasn’t specifically targeting overeating necessarily, I know that God reinforced some things about this aspect of my own sinful nature to me.  Overeating=Famine in my life.

It’s funny that a lot of Christians excuse their weight problems by throwing out, "while man looks on outside appearances, God looks at the heart."  To think that this has anything to do with outward appearances is actually ridiculous.  The fact of the matter is, this is completely a heart issue.  If my heart is set on worshipping the gods of the "golden arches", Ghiradelli double chocolate brownies, chocolate chip cookies, pizza and Coke, good night-how do I even fit Christ into my heart with all that stuff?  Let me tell you, it’s hard.  I try to shove Him in there.  He seems to only fit about halfway, because those things take up so much room!  They make my body get bigger, not my heart.  Hmmm…yeah…that doesn’t help me accomplish my life’s mission, right?

This is not to say that I have not been serving Jesus and that I don’t love Him.  Nor is it to say that I don’t take time to seek Him daily…none of those things.  But what I am saying is that the idols of my heart, no matter what form they come in, don’t allow Christ to take over as much as He desires to. 

So now that the idol has been torn down, the enemy tries so hard to taunt me-to invade my space.  He does it in the same ways he did with Hezekiah and his kingdom:

-by trying to get me to think that the idol was of God and that it was ridiculous to try to tear it down

-by trying to get me not to trust God’s power in my life

-by trying to get me to think that my confidence in the changing power of the Holy Spirit is worthless

-by trying to get me to doubt that God has delivered me from my sinful nature

-by tring to get me to just accept defeat; after all, overeating has taken over so many others

Thank God for His amazing power and deliverance in my life!  I praise Him for being so kind to me, to bring this to the surface in my life.  I thank Him for bringing a couple of incredible accountability partners into my life who pray for me and really want to walk through this moment in time with me.

You know the Father from personal experience. You veterans know the One who started it all; and you newcomers—such vitality and strength! God’s word is so steady in you. Your fellowship with God enables you to gain a victory over the Evil One. 1 John 2.13

Please get my heart on this.  Not everyone that’s overweight idolizes food…but I would venture to guess that many do.  Sin is sin and we need to take steps to walk in victory…I need to take steps to walk in victory. Actually, I am taking steps to walk in victory 🙂

         I’m sitting at Starbucks and although I don’t have an internet connection, I really want to blog (so I will post it later).  This is a great feeling, to be sitting at my laptop, with a peppermint mocha in hand, right in front of a real fire!  (This is way better than the Fireplace video that watch on TV at home)  Cozy, warmness fills me. J  Even though I’m grading papers, I feel great. 

Here’s a picture of my friend, Anthony, warming himself by the "fireplace" at my apt.

There are memories here.  It was at this very same Starbucks-on the other side of the fire-that I had my hot date back in March.  I am reminiscant of that wonderful night and I’m seeing the need to go on another one.  (Although the 3 older men in suits in front of me are kind of ruining my moment.)  Of course I’ve spent lots of time with God since then, but if I were building a scrapbook of memories of my relationship with Jesus, that night would have lots of pictures and thoughts carefully placed over 3-4 pages.  It meant a lot to me. 

I am finding myself lacking in intimacy and longing for it all the more.  Physical, earthly relationships are just that-just here on earth-but there’s this whole other part to me that no person can physically reach.  My innermost needs cannot possibly be met by any individual person.  I’ve heard it said so many times, and God is trying to get this through to me, but I haven’t quite grasped it yet.  My mind knows it, but my heart is still like, “Really?  It makes sense, but explain that one more time.  Maybe this time I’ll get it.”

           I’m currently reading The Sacred Romance and it’s taking me awhile to ‘get into it’.  I want to draw closer to the heart of God-as the rest of the title alludes to.  You know why?…Because I’m a hopeless romantic…although I’m not quite as hopeless as this suggests, J  I’m definitely a romantic.

          God gave us this romantic side to connect with us deeply.  I love this!  Sometimes I wish that He would take away my longings, but His desire is that I long for Him deeply, and embrace Him deeply.  I want to sit by the fireplace with Him.

“I want to sit at Your feet

Drink from the cup in Your hand

Lay back against you and breathe,

And feel Your heartbeat

This love is so deep, it’s more than I can stand

I melt in Your peace, it’s overwhelming.”

-“The More I Seek You”, by Kari Jobe

For some people who are in my everyday life, they know that this past year has been one of great challenge and great change.  Without being able to fully articulate January through September, :), I found this song on Sara Groves’ website just now (I’m pretty pumped that my friend, Ben, is playing guitar for her current tour and I keep hoping she randomly schedules a concert somewhere near here so I can go!).  This is a great explanation of me right now:

Just Showed Up

by Sara Groves and Joel Hanson

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I’m standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I’m going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that’s honest and real until I’m truly amazed
I’m going to feel all my emotions
I’m going to look you in the eyes
I’m going to listen and hear until it’s finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I’m standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I’m standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I haven’t even heard the song, but the words are extemely powerful to me in this moment.  Maintaining what I’ve gained, in finally showing up for my own life is not as easy as I had hoped it would be.  It holds great challenges to overcome but I walk knowing that God is so pleased that I’ve join Him on a deeper level-as He has always been there for my life.

"Oh the glory of God is man fully alive"-that makes me think of my pastor’s current series, Neos.  This past week his sermon was Feast or Famine, and he talked about feeding that sinful part of us vs. feasting on God and developing a strong spiritual appetite.  To be fully alive is to be feasting on all that God has for us…and that is the glory of God. 

Last night I spend a few hours at my friend Rosalind’s house.  Our church organizes and puts on an event on Halloween night called, Light the Night.  We get groups of people together to go to certain houses (last night we had 3 houses) to light up really bright with…lights :), loud music that praises Jesus, puppets, candy bags-with an invite card to our church and the real story behind Halloween, and really friendly people (this is very important).  It’s a ton of fun and we pray that each year God would open up opportunities to share Him with others in a fun and personal way. 

So I got the chance to meet Cinderella last night.  She was 4 years old and she came with her mom and grandma (who stayed in the car because it was so cold).  When she took one look at those puppets and she started dancin’ to the music, there was no stopping her!  She didn’t have a care in the world and she had a blast!  While she was there, Cinderella hung with us…she trusted us.  I told her mom that she was going to have to come visit our church and she said that she probably was going to have to!  I’m going to pray that I get to see Cinderella and her mom again soon.

I want to trust Jesus and just dance my heart out!  Perhaps not literally, but I want my life to dance.

Eli El did try to teach me to dance last night and got kinda frustrated.  Check him out.  Video would’ve captured it best though.

Tonight my friend, Brad, talked about keeping the Sabbath and about resting in God.  Maybe if I work on ‘not working’ (hah!) and I simply trust Jesus more deeply, I’ll be able to dance my heart out too!  And since I can take some lessons from Cinderella, Eli El could give me some more lessons too.  I can try to be as smooth as he is.