Recently I had the privilege of praying with some of my beautiful prayer warrior friends. One of them, I even call She-Rah: Prayer Warrior Princess. We are a part of a team at our church that gets to do personal prayer ministry with individuals. One and a half to two hours, just for one person. A long time ago God began using people to teach me about "the one". Jesus cares about everyONE. He wants us to invest in the ONE. I love this ministry because I get to focus on just one person at a time-to honor and care for in prayer. There are few places I'd rather be on those nights.
Sometimes our team gets together to do some training and practice. The other night these warrior princesses in my life ministered to me for a brief time during our practice. One person was leading that part and the rest of us were to ask a question: "Jesus, what lie am I believing about you?" I wasn't feeling well that night, so I had already decided that I wasn't really going to participate. (I live in a land called "Of Course", where God does things that I wouldn't have necessarily seen happening, but Daddy knows best and just goes for it. Because I choose to submit to Him-many times ;-)- He brings me along for a ride anyway!) So…of course I was the first person to get an answer, and that meant that I was the one that was supposed to receive ministry in that session. (sigh)
Literally, I sighed.
I didn't feel like participating. I just wanted to look in from the outside and coach them through it.
But, no. Jesus wanted to dispell a lie.
In my open-book transparency, I often still censor what I'm sharing with the world for good reason. Everyone just doesn't need to know everything, and there are plenty of women in my life with whom I share life with. For some reason though, this month has been highlighted to me as "Singles Awareness Month" @ my church (not really, but it just feels like it is) and I thought I'd share some thoughts for the sake of amazing women in my life.
The lie. "You think that I'm always going to be just your friend, but that I'm never going to be your groom."
Story of my freakin' life. How often do I say it? "I'm always the friend, but never the bride." "He thinks I'm such an incredible woman…sucks I'm not attractive enough." "I'll have great guy friends until the day I die…but am I ever going to have a husband?"
There I said it.
But does that really mean that because I've thought those things that I really don't think that Jesus is going to be my groom? The Bible tells us that Jesus is coming back someday, and that he is coming back for his bride. I believe that. I believe that Jesus is the ultimate Groom and that someday I will be with him in Heaven. I also believe that He's my friend; I've a friend in Jesus. (Click for a belly laugh).
What Jesus was telling me was that deep down I am actually relating my expectation of Him to my wonderings about whether I'll ever go from "awesome, incredible, amazing, sister in Christ" to bride. I just didn't think I was doing that…until I asked. Dang those questions!
So in this prayer session with my friends, I asked Jesus if there was anyone I needed to forgive for this lie being in my life. Together we walked through a couple of items there and then I gave that unforgiveness and frustration to Him. I asked Him what he would give me in exchange for that junk and do you know what he gave me?
Yes, He did. He gave me a stallion.
So I can wonder all I want to, whether I will ever make the transition from "amazing friend" to a bride someday, but I don't really have to. All that does is feed a lie that I already got rid of. I have to admit, it's still hard to believe. Really. But I choose to believe that my stallion is out there-or right around the corner; I have no clue.
In the meanwhile, I will continue to be aware of my singlesness because I can't seem to get away from it…at all. Might as well enjoy a great message on either marriage or singleness here. (March 3, 10, 17) 😉