- I’m not really sure that this title makes sense
- I really love my class
- I still miss my old class
- They miss me-mostly because I made them pancakes:)
- My new class LOVES it when I read The BFG to them
- I have more ESL students than I ever thought I’d have
- I have a kid named Freddie who cracks me up to the core (I’m sure you’ll hear more about him)
- My friend’s dad passed away from cancer this morning…
- I’m really tired and trying to get over a cold
- Tonight I spilled coffee ALL OVER my shirt…sad
- It’s fun mentoring teachers! This year I’m an official mentor for 2 teachers-one that I informally mentored her first year, and one that’s brand new!
- It’s fun being officially mentored! I’ve had such a great experience watching Brian and Susan come into my classroom and show me how to do some of the things they’ve been talking about. What a cool thing to see myself becoming better, just because of that!
- As I’m growing into a better teacher, not only year by year, but (now) week by week, I realize how much I’ve really changed from my first year teaching. I’ve been making so many statements about things like curriculum and management and following them up with, "If First-Year-Teacher-Kim would’ve heard Fifth-Year-Teacher-Kim say that, she would’ve thought she was crazy…and maybe wanted to punch her in the face!" It’s hilarious how much my perspective has changed. I’m currently fighting to get the kid that barely speaks English and has zero parent support at home (who recently punched a girl in the face) into my class! Honestly, what’s happened to me? 🙂
- Tomorrow I get to take a girl’s senior pictures!
- I wish that I had more time to write right now-perhaps I’ll continue later.
Journey
Name Changes
Without even opening my eyes, all tangled up in my down comforter, I woke up with a couple thoughts.
First, I thought about how, a day from now I was going to be standing in front of my new class, tackling the job of getting to know their names. And then I immediately thought of how some of them don’t think of themselves in terms of their names. (Yes, all this before I even opened my eyes:)
Some kids think their nickname is: "Loser", "A**hole", "Shut up", or "Fool". Others think their nickname is: "Obnoxious", "Loud", "Stupid" or "Slow". Still others respond to: "Fatso", "Tubby", "Stringbean", or "Ugly".
What response do you think I would get if I were to bring this up in my class? Do you think my kids would sit confidently in their seats, knowing that I’m not talking to them? Or would only a few of them do that? Would some of them start staring at the board behind me, envisioning the moment someone named them with one of those nicknames? How about the kid that would begin to look down at his desk, thinking I’d be talking to him…and him only? Or what about the kid who would then, out of fear that I was going to call him out on his nickname, point to the chubbiest kid in the class and yell out, "Fatso! She’s talking about you!" Everyone would laugh because it would take the pressure off of them for the moment.
What if, somehow through the course of these next ten months, transformational change could take place in my kids’ lives?…so much to the point that their names were changed?
I think of how God changed Saul to Paul, Abram to Abraham, Saraii to Sarah, Kim to Kimpossible:)…there are so many more examples in the Bible of when names were changed because of either what God had done in/through them, or because of what He was promising to do in/through them. Listed here are a few examples.
God can even change my name from "One-who-tries-to-solve-everyone’s-problems-all-the-time" to "One-who-releases-others-issues-to-Jesus" :0) Oh, I pray for that change to occur! I want to see my kids who are afraid to read aloud in class to be known as excellent readers (aloud). I want to see my kids who hate writing to be known as the best in the school! I want to see my kids who barely pass each year in math to show deep understanding of math concepts.
Oh, me and my lofty goals…:) I suppose my goals are a bit much, compared to some of what I’ve experienced in the past. But, as Nick from My Big Fat Greek Wedding said to Tulah, "Don’t let your past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of who you will become." Hopefully I can communicate to my kids that who they are now will be a part of who they’ll become…in a good way, even if it’s negative right now. A kid that isn’t much of a reader right now that can read at grade level in May should be able to say, "I couldn’t read much in September, but look at how I’ve grown! Now I’m a Fantastic Reader!"
In conclusion (this is how a 4th grader ends his essays;), I believe that I heard God’s voice on this one this morning. No, it wasn’t audible, but it made my heart beat faster, the more I thought about seeing kids’ names changed. God’s changed names with the snap of a finger, but I’ve got TEN MONTHS…GO! 🙂
So Blessed
Some thoughts for today (although technically it’s Wednesday morning, it’s still Tuesday night to me):
- I’m really blessed. My friend Joi came and worked in my room for HOURS today, doing stuff that needed to be done. She didn’t quite get the appreciation of how much she’d helped until I said, you just saved me 5 hours of work…Amazing, huh? Plus, our maintenance guy, Alan, put up all my stuff today! He didn’t have to do that. He’s got teachers giving him orders all over the place, but for some reason he made me a priority today. That was incredible.
- I found some tables for my room-the right size too! It’s been so stressful to think about doing all these centers for this new way of teaching without actually having centers to send the kids. Now I have 2 of them (yay!), plus a stand for my overhead (double yay!).
- The staff is really connecting with the things that we’ve been learning, and that truly blesses me as a teacher here at Hanley. If only a few of us change our practices with teaching, it will benefit kids, but it won’t impact them quite like having all the teachers on board. I’m not sure if we’re at 100% necessarily, but the people that have shared were kind of like "miracle teachers"…if they realize their need to change and are willing to follow through with it, then many of the other staff members will join suite…very cool.
- God gives me peace. I really believe that! Isaiah 26.3-4 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
God is so faithful. He just kept bringing Scripture to my heart this morning, as I was frustrated by several little things that kept happening to push me behind my schedule. I had my worship music on, and I just couldn’t help but praise Him. I believe I said something like, "God, You’re still God no matter what happens today! You’re still sitting on Your throne, and You still hold this world in Your hands. You may not choose to change my situation, and that’s okay. But I need You to change my heart and my attitude right now. Please help me." And He did. I can’t "will" myself to do that. I can choose my attitude, but only God can truly change it…
Oh my, I’m sleepy. Wednesday morning will come early…oh wait, it already is Wednesday morning…:)
I’m sure it’s just a feeling #2
Things have been going much better with the Literacy Project. It’s still A LOT and I’m still not completely clear, but what I’m having to come to grips with is that the whole thing is a learning process. How often am I talking about learning through processes? It is most certainly something that God’s been walking me through, and I’m at a place where I am finally starting to appreciate it in this project. I’ll write a little more on this tomorrow.
You can read a little more about the project here, if you’re interested.
Best.
Finding Our Way
My friend, Dana, and I drove up to our yearly staff retreat the other day. Crystal Mountain is a beautiful resort to visit, and that’s where we get to enjoy some professional development, time to hang out with the staff, and competition with the other TRG schools.
A little bit of background knowledge on Dana is that she has many, many strengths in the different roles that she plays in life. She was my unofficial mentor when I first started teaching. She’s a great teacher, and the GLCE Queen. But one of the first things I learned about Dana when we began teaching together, four years ago, was that her sense of direction was almost at a negative factor. This is especially evident when she’s driving in downtown Detroit…I’ve experienced this several times. It seems as if she’s gotten better at her survival skills when lost, although we have definitely had some close calls in the busy city. 🙂 It’s kind of adventurous when we have her drive us places…we never know if we’ll actually get to our destination in a reasonable fashion, or timeframe.
So, back to the other day…we were driving up to Crystal Mountain, and we were on US 10W, anticipating 115/Cadillac. Let’s just say I turned my head for a few seconds, returning my head to it’s forward position, to see the back of an exit sign along with its exit.
I said, "Wait, was that 115?"
Dana replied, "No, it said, Cadillac."
"But did it also say 115? We’re supposed to get off on 115/Cadillac!"
"No, it just said Cadillac."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
Many minutes later I noticed a US 10W sign and immediately scrunched my eyebrows.
"Dana, I think we’re on US 10. If we’re on 115, we’re not supposed to also be on US 10. I think we missed our exit."
"Are you sure? That exit said, Cadillac."
"We need to stop and ask."
So she drove until we saw a gas station/mini mart and we went in. Entering the store we were greeted by Darla, to whom I smiled brightly and said, "Darla, are we by chance on 115?"
"Oh no, dear, you’re not. That’s 30 miles back that way!"
"That’s what I was afraid of…Would you be able to help us find our way?"
"Absolutely! Where are you going?"
…and she proceeded to give us directions.
Somewhere in there, my friend asked, "So, Darla, where the heck are we?"
With great pride, she replied, "Evart, Michigan!"
We got a picture together and then Dana and I were on our way.
It made sense that we would get lost and no one from Hanley was surprised that it happened! But thanks to Darla, we found our way.
I’m sure it’s just a feeling
Can I admit that I’m a little bit stressed? Maybe a little bit more than a little bit…
The literacy project that I’m working with is messing with my mind. There’s so much to be done and not enough time. There are three schools doing this project and our school is the last in the progression. Our time comes next Monday and Tuesday, when the other two schools have had 4 days each, these past two weeks. It’s a bit frustrating because I feel like our school is getting jipped (don’t think I’ve ever written that word before!). Like I said, the other two schools got 4 days with them and we only get two. Our mentors couldn’t find another day to come meet with us, but they just took on a whole other school, at which isn’t really at-risk and they simply have so much more than we do, as a third year school. They’re a fine arts school that has their own building, less loopholes and they appear to be the stars of our management company. We want a chance to shine and I really just don’t feel like we’re getting it. It’s not even just that, but I really want to do an awesome job, and we already know that we’re not getting all the training that we’re supposed to be getting this month. We have no idea what we’re teaching in the fall, so we can’t plan…my head is spinning.
Do you ever feel like you’re being set up to fail? That’s kind of the feel right now with the other teachers and I right now.
It sounds like I’m so jealous and whiny, but I really don’t want to fail and I really do want our school to stand out…it just doesn’t look that’s going to happen. That frustrates me.
On top of all that, I really wanted to hand some major commitments off to another teacher this year, but she just got offered a position at her husband’s school, so she’s not coming back. At my building we have 4 brand new teachers and 2 other teachers who are only in their 2nd or 3rd year…there just isn’t anybody else to take over the commitments.
I love my job and I love that I get to be a part of this project, and I’m totally pumped about this year, but honestly, I’m a little concerned…
So, God, please help me:)
Ever Feel Like This?
Jeremiah 31:18-19 (New Living Translation)
18 …‘You disciplined me severely,
like a calf that needs training for the yoke.
Turn me again to you and restore me,
for you alone are the Lord my God.
19 I turned away from God,
but then I was sorry.
I kicked myself for my stupidity!
I was thoroughly ashamed of all I did in my younger days.’
…or of all I did yesterday…that works too.
Really appreciating God’s grace, once again, today…
Not to mention, this verse keeps popping out to me. I read it a couple weeks ago…
Zephaniah 1:12 (New Living Translation)
12 “I will search with lanterns in Jerusalem’s darkest corners
to punish those who sit complacent in their sins.
They think the Lord will do nothing to them,
either good or bad.
In context, or out, the bolded portion describes my human nature sometimes…complacency sucks. So I go back to the first verse and say, "Turn me again to you and restore me, for you alone are the LORD my God."
It’s a Tear-jerker
I just watched the best movie I’ve seen in a long time. Forget Hairspray (which was a great movie too). Check this one out here, from National Community Church, in Washington DC.
I’d also like to add a couple more personal pictures from Cotk a few weeks ago.
This is Sabrina and Nichole, withPastor Brad. They both got baptized a couple weeks ago, and it was so fantastic! One of my all-time favorite things about spending time in discipleship at our church is walking with people through baptism. It is honoring…and tear-jerking. God is so good. He is so faithful. He is so full of grace.
Having to Write…some random thoughts
I’m finding that I have less time to write, now that I’m supposed to! I really can’t say that it’s because I’ve been working so hard this past week, but it has more to do with, well, not having time because I’ve just been busy with other things that I’ve felt the need to enjoy and experience! Writing can be very therapeutic, I agree, and I’ve been wanting to express some of the deepest and heartfelt emotions that I’ve experienced lately, but it just doesn’t always happen. It shouldn’t always happen-not online anyway. That’s what the composition book is for. Nonetheless, my writing should improve. You should hear my voice, when you read, and see less mistakes (as if I made mistakes, hah!:). My word choice should make a difference…
But, oh, it is hard to think about improving when I read some other blogs with so much flair and personality. I think I’m becoming a pessimist. That’s scary. I have these amazing friends who are spectacular writers and should be getting published as I speak write. It’s not that I’m all that competitive, but I am awfully comparative. When does that end? How does it happen that I become more and more self-conscious, the older I get? I hit a peak of confidence and it’s all been downhill from there…(oh dear).
My friend, Phil Gocke, talked about the fear of God this morning. It was timely. He said that if we fear God, then other fears should be lessoned. Then he used this verse, which is some great advice from King David. Isn’t self-consciousness a result of fearing man over fearing God? Let’s just say that I feared God as He has wanted me to, would my heart feel a need to fear what man would think of me? Would I have anything to compare to, but Jesus? Would I care that Katie my friends writes more eloquently and deeply than I could ever dream to?
Back at North Central, there was this amazing man who came to head up our Residence Life Department the year I became an RA. His name was Jake Smith, and he began to challenge our thinking as young adults, serving Jesus. Probably the most influential thing that Jake brought to my life was his statement about being better. He said, "I want to be better. Better than what? Yep." It was never about competition with another individual or team, but it was about competition with himself and the last minute. It’s not about being better than the person next to you, whether it’s your enemy or your friend, but it’s about being better than you were a minute ago…yesterday…last year…a decade ago.
Isn’t that what Jesus wants us to do? Pursue greatness. Pursue excellence. We’ll never be better than Jesus, but if our goal is to become more like Him, won’t we become better than ourselves yesterday? And if I fear the Lord, more than I fear man, wouldn’t these concepts be a great couple?
Best.
Cognitive Desk Space
I realized, just a little bit ago, that I spent about 10 hours in meetings today:) It was a great day, but my cognitive desk space is so full and overflowing with piles…
Cognitive desk space has to do with memory, and I think it would everyone a little good to learn a bit about this for a minute. I think every pastor, small group leader, teacher and friend should know a little bit about this, because it helps some things to make sense. People zone out after awhile, not just because they’re tired, or you’re boring:) (or I’m boring), but also because there’s just too much "new stuff" to process at one time. The desk space is used up!
You’ve got your short-term memory.
You’ve got your long-term memory.
Then you’ve got your working memory (your cognitive desk space).
-This is important for people to have, in order to develop concepts
-It’s limited! Think about your office desk. You can only put so many things on your desk to work efficiently. (Outrageously stacked piles don’t count…except that’s how I feel right now.)
-It combines incoming information from short-term memory, and stored information from long-term memory (which is why helping someone build background knowledge is huge when speaking to a group of people).
-Problem solving isn’t likely to occur, straight off the desk space, so to speak. It’s got to be connected to something from long-term memory for deep problem solving to occur.
Okay, for real, I’m becoming a literacy junkie. I just googled "cognitive desk space" and got this. Which lead me to looking through a few Power Point Presentations for trainings on the topic of literacy to underachieving students. My brain hurts so much, thinking about brains!:)
I would like to add, on a side note, that I’m going to be kept accountable to keeping my classroom extremely neat and tidy. Brian and Susan were telling us this today and then they saw the exploding expression on my face…wide eyes, slowly raising eyebrows, forehead crunching together. This was when Susan said, "Okay, Kim, I’m trying to read your face, but I can’t…what are you thinking?" Being comforted by the fact that we were closing in on a good 24 hours spent with these two folks, I was more than comfortable sharing the fact that I struggle with that (and every friend I have, laughs and replies, "Amen!"…even if they, too, struggle with that). It bothers me that I have a hard time organizing my classroom (and bedroom, for that matter!) and keeping it neat and tidy. Growing in this area would be will be huge for me! I’m going to expect great things from God in this area. I made a connection tonight, when my friend, Gwen, said that I must have piles on my desk space, after today. I thought, "Yep! And I’m not going to feel like going through those piles for a couple of days here. To be honest, I may leave some of them for a few weeks, until our literacy team meets up again!" What a connection between what goes on in my head to what goes on in the rooms I live in, day in and day out!
Let me take it a step further and apply this spiritually. There may not be any application here, but please allow this to be my "journal", in which I would process through the thoughts… What if we had a "spiritual desk space", very similar to "cognitive desk space"? We’ve got the long-term, foundational things that God has done in us, and creatively helped us to "get". Then we’ve got the things that He’s popping into our lives/hearts that were new recently, so they’re like short-term for a little bit (which is hopefully on an on-going basis). And then there’s the whole other aspect of our "sds", on which He is just beginning to teach us/change in us…but He’s not going to try to do it all at once! He’ll connect a concept or a change to a testimony of something else that He’s done in us, or that He’s been doing in us (long-term stuff) to something new!
Wow! How’s that for processing?
Does this make sense to you at all? It is definitely 12:35am (Hey, does this count for two days of journaling, since my first 10 minutes of this post was on Thursday, and the last 35 minutes of the post was on Friday?)…
Best.
(every time I write about the literacy project, i will sign off as Brian ends his emails. Best. to me, it’s kind of a stamp that signifies where the post stems from…i know, i’m strange…just let me be:)
Memoirs of a Redhead 