Having to Write…some random thoughts

I’m finding that I have less time to write, now that I’m supposed to!  I really can’t say that it’s because I’ve been working so hard this past week, but it has more to do with, well, not having time because I’ve just been busy with other things that I’ve felt the need to enjoy and experience!  Writing can be very therapeutic, I agree, and I’ve been wanting to express some of the deepest and heartfelt emotions that I’ve experienced lately, but it just doesn’t always happen.  It shouldn’t always happen-not online anyway.  That’s what the composition book is for.  Nonetheless, my writing should improve.  You should hear my voice, when you read, and see less mistakes (as if I made mistakes, hah!:).  My word choice should make a difference…

But, oh, it is hard to think about improving when I read some other blogs with so much flair and personality.  I think I’m becoming a pessimist.  That’s scary.  I have these amazing friends who are spectacular writers and should be getting published as I speak write.  It’s not that I’m all that competitive, but I am awfully comparative.  When does that end?  How does it happen that I become more and more self-conscious, the older I get?  I hit a peak of confidence and it’s all been downhill from there…(oh dear). 

My friend, Phil Gocke, talked about the fear of God this morning.  It was timely.  He said that if we fear God, then other fears should be lessoned. Then he used this verse, which is some great advice from King David.  Isn’t self-consciousness a result of fearing man over fearing God?  Let’s just say that I feared God as He has wanted me to, would my heart feel a need to fear what man would think of me?  Would I have anything to compare to, but Jesus?  Would I care that Katie my friends writes more eloquently and deeply than I could ever dream to?

Back at North Central, there was this amazing man who came to head up our Residence Life Department the year I became an RA.  His name was Jake Smith, and he began to challenge our thinking as young adults, serving Jesus.  Probably the most influential thing that Jake brought to my life was his statement about being better.  He said, "I want to be better.  Better than what?  Yep."  It was never about competition with another individual or team, but it was about competition with himself and the last minute.  It’s not about being better than the person next to you, whether it’s your enemy or your friend, but it’s about being better than you were a minute ago…yesterday…last year…a decade ago. 

Isn’t that what Jesus wants us to do?  Pursue greatness.  Pursue excellence.  We’ll never be better than Jesus, but if our goal is to become more like Him, won’t we become better than ourselves yesterday?  And if I fear the Lord, more than I fear man, wouldn’t these concepts be a great couple?


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