Piggy

Okay, I’m really not obsessed with pigs, but a couple of my newest friends, Anthony and Kari, just got one.  They ordered her from a pig breeder in Texas and had to pick her up from the airport today.  Here she is, isn’t she cute?  Walsh_pig_3

This reminds me of a youth leader that I had in high school-Dave Nunner.  He and his wife had a pig.  And I remember the classic line from my friend Amber in an awkward moment…"So, how do you feel about having a pig as a pet?"  Um, yeah, that probably won’t make sense to anyone but my old PRIZM friends (Praying Radicals In Zealous Ministry-our old youth ministry). They will laugh.  Everyone else…enjoy the pig picture-who wouldn’t?  🙂

Fireplace

         I’m sitting at Starbucks and although I don’t have an internet connection, I really want to blog (so I will post it later).  This is a great feeling, to be sitting at my laptop, with a peppermint mocha in hand, right in front of a real fire!  (This is way better than the Fireplace video that waImg_1211tch on TV at home)  Cozy, warmness fills me. J  Even though I’m grading papers, I feel great. 

Here’s a picture of my friend, Anthony, warming himself by the "fireplace" at my apt.

There are memories here.  It was at this very same Starbucks-on the other side of the fire-that I had my hot date back in March.  I am reminiscant of that wonderful night and I’m seeing the need to go on another one.  (Although the 3 older men in suits in front of me are kind of ruining my moment.)  Of course I’ve spent lots of time with God since then, but if I were building a scrapbook of memories of my relationship with Jesus, that night would have lots of pictures and thoughts carefully placed over 3-4 pages.  It meant a lot to me. 

I am finding myself lacking in intimacy and longing for it all the more.  Physical, earthly relationships are just that-just here on earth-but there’s this whole other part to me that no person can physically reach.  My innermost needs cannot possibly be met by any individual person.  I’ve heard it said so many times, and God is trying to get this through to me, but I haven’t quite grasped it yet.  My mind knows it, but my heart is still like, “Really?  It makes sense, but explain that one more time.  Maybe this time I’ll get it.”

           I’m currently reading The Sacred Romance and it’s taking me awhile to ‘get into it’.  I want to draw closer to the heart of God-as the rest of the title alludes to.  You know why?…Because I’m a hopeless romantic…although I’m not quite as hopeless as this suggests, J  I’m definitely a romantic.

          God gave us this romantic side to connect with us deeply.  I love this!  Sometimes I wish that He would take away my longings, but His desire is that I long for Him deeply, and embrace Him deeply.  I want to sit by the fireplace with Him.

“I want to sit at Your feet

Drink from the cup in Your hand

Lay back against you and breathe,

And feel Your heartbeat

This love is so deep, it’s more than I can stand

I melt in Your peace, it’s overwhelming.”

-“The More I Seek You”, by Kari Jobe

Just Showed Up For My Own Life

For some people who are in my everyday life, they know that this past year has been one of great challenge and great change.  Without being able to fully articulate January through September, :), I found this song on Sara Groves’ website just now (I’m pretty pumped that my friend, Ben, is playing guitar for her current tour and I keep hoping she randomly schedules a concert somewhere near here so I can go!).  This is a great explanation of me right now:

Just Showed Up

by Sara Groves and Joel Hanson

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I’m standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I’m going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that’s honest and real until I’m truly amazed
I’m going to feel all my emotions
I’m going to look you in the eyes
I’m going to listen and hear until it’s finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I’m standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I’m standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I haven’t even heard the song, but the words are extemely powerful to me in this moment.  Maintaining what I’ve gained, in finally showing up for my own life is not as easy as I had hoped it would be.  It holds great challenges to overcome but I walk knowing that God is so pleased that I’ve join Him on a deeper level-as He has always been there for my life.

"Oh the glory of God is man fully alive"-that makes me think of my pastor’s current series, Neos.  This past week his sermon was Feast or Famine, and he talked about feeding that sinful part of us vs. feasting on God and developing a strong spiritual appetite.  To be fully alive is to be feasting on all that God has for us…and that is the glory of God. 

I’m not crazy, I just don’t want to fail again!

That was one of the closing lines of Grey’s Anatomy tonight.  A girl, a patient, stuck her hand on the stove burner to hopefully burn herself enough so that she wouldn’t have to take the Bar exam later that week.  Throughout the show we figured that that was the case, but she lied to the doctors the whole time until one of them questioned her about it.  She told them that there was a lot of pressure on her to pass this test and she’d already failed it 5 times.  They ended up taking her up to the psych ward to receive some help for a little while.  She resisted, saying, "I’m not crazy, I just don’t want to fail again!" 

Nobody wants to fail.  Nobody strives to fail.  People try to keep from failing most of the time!  Yet all of us at one time, and then another, fail.  Because I tend to fail, over and over again, there are times that I feel like I’m going crazy (not in the literal sense, but you know that feeling).  There’s pressure, and it’s not even usually from others.  It usually comes as a result of the expectations that I perceive others have of me.  It mainly comes as a result of sin…

Sin is so frustrating and someday I’m going to be through with it.  That’s one thing I can’t wait for when I get to Heaven.  And at the same time, I don’t have to fear failure as I do sometimes.  This is something that I recently realized I need to maintain-getting rid of my fear of failure.  I fear failing God, my family, my friends, my ministry, my students, myself…It doesn’t consume me, but if not kept in check, this fear of failure could start to make me think I’m going crazy.

I thank God that He is helping me to remember that I need to dispel the fears that I experience and accept his overwhelming grace.

Palmolive Dish Soap

Tonight I came home from church and I had to wash some dishes.  As I was washing this bowl, I thought of my brother, Todd.  He’s the brother that I look like.  🙂  I was wondering what made him pop into my head and then I took a big whiff of the palmolive dish soap that I was using and realized right away that was it.  Dsc01519

Todd’s 5 years older than me, and he’s the one that ‘trained’ me in washing dishes.  My parents have said for years that they’ve had a dishwasher…and then they’d point to me:)   Hahhahahahaah!  Hilarious!  But before I was their dishwasher, Todd was…Dave was before him.  I guess it used to be just Dave, then Dave and Todd, then Todd and me, and then it was just me!  I think it’s still me when I go home, although it sounds like their getting more willing to allow me to cook at family events now.

At any rate, Todd’s dishwashing legacy has been left in my life through the smell of one green, palmolive dish soap.  So, Toddy, I’m thinkin’ of you tonight!  And I love ya!  :0)

Dance Your Heart Out, Cinderella!

Last night I spend a few hours at my friend Rosalind’s house.  Our church organizes and puts on an event on Halloween night called, Light the Night.  We get groups of people together to go to certain Img_4835 houses (last night we had 3 houses) to light up really bright with…lights :), loud music that praises Jesus, puppets, candy bags-with an invite card to our church and the real story behind Halloween, and really friendly people (this is very important).  It’s a ton of fun and we pray that each year God would open up opportunities to share Him with others in a fun and personal way. 

So I got the chance to meet Cinderella last night.  She was 4 years old and she came with her mom and grandma (who stayed in the car because it was so cold).  When she took one look at those puppets and she started dancin’ to the music, there was no stopping her!  She didn’t have a care in the world and she had a blast!  While she was there, Cinderella hung with us…she trusted us.  I told her mom that she was going to have to come visit our church and she said that she probably was going to have to!  I’m going to pray that I get to see Cinderella and her mom again soon.

I want to trust Jesus and just dance my heart out!  Perhaps not literally, but I want my life to dance.

Eli El did try to teach me to dance last night and got kinda frustrated.  Check him out.  Video Img_4830_1 would’ve captured it best though.

Tonight my friend, Brad, talked about keeping the Sabbath and about resting in God.  Maybe if I work on ‘not working’ (hah!) and I simply trust Jesus more deeply, I’ll be able to dance my heart out too!  And since I can take some lessons from Cinderella, Eli El could give me some more lessons too.  I can try to be as smooth as he is.