That was one of the closing lines of Grey’s Anatomy tonight. A girl, a patient, stuck her hand on the stove burner to hopefully burn herself enough so that she wouldn’t have to take the Bar exam later that week. Throughout the show we figured that that was the case, but she lied to the doctors the whole time until one of them questioned her about it. She told them that there was a lot of pressure on her to pass this test and she’d already failed it 5 times. They ended up taking her up to the psych ward to receive some help for a little while. She resisted, saying, "I’m not crazy, I just don’t want to fail again!"
Nobody wants to fail. Nobody strives to fail. People try to keep from failing most of the time! Yet all of us at one time, and then another, fail. Because I tend to fail, over and over again, there are times that I feel like I’m going crazy (not in the literal sense, but you know that feeling). There’s pressure, and it’s not even usually from others. It usually comes as a result of the expectations that I perceive others have of me. It mainly comes as a result of sin…
Sin is so frustrating and someday I’m going to be through with it. That’s one thing I can’t wait for when I get to Heaven. And at the same time, I don’t have to fear failure as I do sometimes. This is something that I recently realized I need to maintain-getting rid of my fear of failure. I fear failing God, my family, my friends, my ministry, my students, myself…It doesn’t consume me, but if not kept in check, this fear of failure could start to make me think I’m going crazy.
I thank God that He is helping me to remember that I need to dispel the fears that I experience and accept his overwhelming grace.
Tonight I came home from church and I had to wash some dishes. As I was washing this bowl, I thought of my brother, Todd. He’s the brother that I look like. 🙂 I was wondering what made him pop into my head and then I took a big whiff of the palmolive dish soap that I was using and realized right away that was it.
Todd’s 5 years older than me, and he’s the one that ‘trained’ me in washing dishes. My parents have said for years that they’ve had a dishwasher…and then they’d point to me:) Hahhahahahaah! Hilarious! But before I was their dishwasher, Todd was…Dave was before him. I guess it used to be just Dave, then Dave and Todd, then Todd and me, and then it was just me! I think it’s still me when I go home, although it sounds like their getting more willing to allow me to cook at family events now.
At any rate, Todd’s dishwashing legacy has been left in my life through the smell of one green, palmolive dish soap. So, Toddy, I’m thinkin’ of you tonight! And I love ya! :0)
Last night I spend a few hours at my friend Rosalind’s house. Our church organizes and puts on an event on Halloween night called, Light the Night. We get groups of people together to go to certain houses (last night we had 3 houses) to light up really bright with…lights :), loud music that praises Jesus, puppets, candy bags-with an invite card to our church and the real story behind Halloween, and really friendly people (this is very important). It’s a ton of fun and we pray that each year God would open up opportunities to share Him with others in a fun and personal way.
So I got the chance to meet Cinderella last night. She was 4 years old and she came with her mom and grandma (who stayed in the car because it was so cold). When she took one look at those puppets and she started dancin’ to the music, there was no stopping her! She didn’t have a care in the world and she had a blast! While she was there, Cinderella hung with us…she trusted us. I told her mom that she was going to have to come visit our church and she said that she probably was going to have to! I’m going to pray that I get to see Cinderella and her mom again soon.
I want to trust Jesus and just dance my heart out! Perhaps not literally, but I want my life to dance.
Tonight my friend, Brad, talked about keeping the Sabbath and about resting in God. Maybe if I work on ‘not working’ (hah!) and I simply trust Jesus more deeply, I’ll be able to dance my heart out too! And since I can take some lessons from Cinderella, Eli El could give me some more lessons too. I can try to be as smooth as he is.