I’m not crazy, I just don’t want to fail again!

That was one of the closing lines of Grey’s Anatomy tonight.  A girl, a patient, stuck her hand on the stove burner to hopefully burn herself enough so that she wouldn’t have to take the Bar exam later that week.  Throughout the show we figured that that was the case, but she lied to the doctors the whole time until one of them questioned her about it.  She told them that there was a lot of pressure on her to pass this test and she’d already failed it 5 times.  They ended up taking her up to the psych ward to receive some help for a little while.  She resisted, saying, "I’m not crazy, I just don’t want to fail again!" 

Nobody wants to fail.  Nobody strives to fail.  People try to keep from failing most of the time!  Yet all of us at one time, and then another, fail.  Because I tend to fail, over and over again, there are times that I feel like I’m going crazy (not in the literal sense, but you know that feeling).  There’s pressure, and it’s not even usually from others.  It usually comes as a result of the expectations that I perceive others have of me.  It mainly comes as a result of sin…

Sin is so frustrating and someday I’m going to be through with it.  That’s one thing I can’t wait for when I get to Heaven.  And at the same time, I don’t have to fear failure as I do sometimes.  This is something that I recently realized I need to maintain-getting rid of my fear of failure.  I fear failing God, my family, my friends, my ministry, my students, myself…It doesn’t consume me, but if not kept in check, this fear of failure could start to make me think I’m going crazy.

I thank God that He is helping me to remember that I need to dispel the fears that I experience and accept his overwhelming grace.

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