So, I’ve really begun to realize that I’m even more of a failure than I often realize.  Not to beat that into the ground, but I was just going back to look through some blog posts from the past and it makes me really sad, on so many levels.  I won’t even divulge you with details, neither big or small.  But probably the most comforting thing right now is this…

2 Corinthians 12:9 (The Message)

7-10Because of
the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big
head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch
with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he
in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around
high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged
God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

   My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
   My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once
I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the
handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s
strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride,
and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse,
accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so
the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

I continue to be challenged to pursue things that I’ve failed at in the past.  Jesus is cheering me on-I sense His presence doing that.  A friend of mine has recently been talking to me about my heart health….simply speaking life into my heart.  Oh how I’ve missed her these past couple weeks!  But Jesus took some great opportunities to do that through His word, moments of worship, and a book that I’m reading.  Perhaps now I can finally work on those goals that everyone’s been wanting me to work through.  We’ll see. 

I am still wanting to climb out of this thing that I’m in…I’m sure it’ll be obvious when that happens.  Until then, I’ll just take His grace every moment that I need it, and see what I can through the deep struggles and tears.