Remind Me Again?

So often I've heard this saying, that God cares more about my character than my comfort.  I say it myself, and in all reality, i actually believe it!  It's not that God doesn't ever want us to be comfortable, but He's simply more aware of the fact that the things that will shape our character happen to be the things that sharpen us…I can't imagine any tool that needs to be sharpened thoroughly enjoying that process-right? 

But honestly, in moments like the present I just kinda wish God didn't care so much.  Well, deep down I don't wish that, but on the surface I pretty much do.  There's about a million things that are uncomfortable right now…a couple relationships, my job (hopefully this will change?), some uncertainties, some tensions I don't feel like dealing with…they're all JUST HARD!  Plus, it's the end of the school year and there's a ton of stress that dwells in the last couple weeks of school.

So, I think I need someone to remind me again…why does God care more about my character than my comfort?  Oh, right…because He wants me to continue to grow.  Does it all have to come at one time though?  :-)  Seriously…Well, Father knows best.  I choose to trust Him. 

On a completely different note…Barak anyone?

Missing People

There are a ton of people that I've known in my 28 years of life, but
there are only certain people that I actually miss when they're not
there.  Some people are in your life for a season and some are in your life for a long time…and others forever!

In a few weeks, I'll be traveling to Minneapolis to see a couple of my BFF's.  One is pregnant and another just had a baby.  How fun! 

My family is obviously on that list of people that I miss often.

Some friends from home (especially those that I actually stay in contact with…and who read my blog-love you Claude!:)

A few former students…

Some friends from college (I thought I'd never be able to get over missing so many people from this particular stage in life…but somehow life actually does move on!)

There's friends in my everyday life that I'm used to seeing or talking to regularly each day, or each week (like my Lifegroup friends), and when those connections don't happen…I miss them! 

There are times when I'm not spending so much time with Jesus and I miss Him too. 

Missing people can be tough. 

Breaking the Silence

Okay, enough with the "not-really-blogging" posts…and the 3 1/2 week silence. 

I once read on someone’s blog that if she didn’t blog about it, it was like it never happened!  I have to admit that sometimes I kinda feel like that.  The past few weeks have left me pretty sick.  Like, I’m okay now, but I had this cough that wouldn’t quit and it wore me out.  But I couldn’t really gather my thoughts into an organize fashion enough to post anything halfway decent. 

Some things that I may blog on soon:  Career Day (from a few weeks ago…hilarious), bittersweet Sixers/Pistons game and my brother’s accusations about my part in it, Teacher Appreciation Week, to use plastics in the kitchen, or not…an interview with Emily Gocke, our field trip to Earthworks, my love affair with asparagus…cooked by none other than my awesome roommate, Jen, my pastor’s modeling shoot.

Stay tuned!

AWWWWW!!!!

Okay, now I know that I’m getting older, because a good friend of mine just turned 40!  One of my best friends at Hanley, who is kinda like a big brother to me, just turned 40 on Wednesday.  To celebrate his birthday, his girlfriend, April threw him a surprise birthday party tonight.  It was an honor to be one of few invited. 

Once Tony arrived, he walked back out ’cause he was bawling-so surprised and so honored!  It was really, really precious.  April had everyone there (about 15 of us) get up and say something to Tony.  That was great to be apart of…and again, more tears:)  A few people were mentioning different things like, "Oh, I can’t wait until Tony and April make their relationship ‘more official’ and make me some nieces and nephews," and "All I want is for my baby boy to get married…"  I was beginning to think that they were making things awfully uncomfortable for the both of them, since they aren’t weren’t engaged!  Well, after we were all done speaking love and friendship over Tony, he got up…
April_2008_081…and said some very nice things to April.  Then he said, "Mom, I’m going to make your wish come true…"  At that point he reached inside his jacket (a few of us gently screamed in that moment:) and he pulled out a white box. …and then he got down on his knee.  Oh my word…I had never before witnessed a marriage proposal…it was SO BEAUTIFUL!!!  I’m completely beside myself, and so giddy!
April_2008_084

Anyone that knows me well, knows that I love LOVE.  Blessed by Jesus, it’s so fantastic!  In God’s timing I’ll have the opportunity to experience that…perfect timing, of course.  In the meanwhile, this seemingly long while, I will enjoy the joy of others whenever I get the chance to!

So, yay!  Tony and April, I am so, so excited for you!!!!

(click on the picture to the right to zoom in on that rock:)

My Help

Exhaustion overtakes my eyes, but I simply have to write something about today!  (I really wish that I would just kick myself in the seat and choose to be more disciplined about blogging nowadays!)

From 1-7pm we had parent-teacher conferences.  Honestly-really honestly-this was the best PTC session I’ve experienced yet.  Not only was there NO conflict happening, but there was not even a string of tension or conflict present the entire time!  Never have I experienced such a thing.  As a matter of fact, this is just how blessed I was today…3 different parents told me their kids loved me (I know…awwww!), one of them said, "No, seriously, your picture is on our refrigerator!  You are talked about, everyday."  I was told that "whatever I’m doing, I’m doing right."  And the many thanks that I received made my heart all warm and fuzzy-this will last for months.

I realize that it sounds like I’m trying to brag and desperately need attention (perhaps, but not probable)…except for the fact that all good things come from God!  One parent told me that she couldn’t understand how someone could have so much patience with a big group of kids all day long…I simply reminded her that "His grace is sufficient for me and that (thankfully) she’s seeing Him and not my weakness in that area".  Seriously, think about it…the kids don’t love me!  I am nothing without Jesus…really what they love is Jesus who lives in me (they just aren’t aware of that); and although I’ve worked very hard this year to get my kids to love reading and writing as much as they do, God was the founding Father of language and He just lit a blazing fire in their little hearts for it.  I happened to be a tool that He used (that’s what I did right).  And people thanked me, but I returned thanks back to MY HELP. 

Yes, I felt much appreciated today-incredibly appreciated, and affirmed, and loved, and warm, and fuzzy, and respected…But in reality, today was a win for Jesus.  He was working in Hamtramck and He invited me to join His activity there.  So I did.  That’s all I did:)

They Don’t Even Know

Kid_in_armorWhen I was in ninth grade, I remember competing at a fine arts competition and hearing a particular song sung over and over again.  I recall thinking it was funny that so many people chose that song. No matter how many times I heard a girl (it usually was a girl:) go up on stage, in her poofy hair and long dress, sing that song that day, I teared up each time. 

Warrior is a Child, by Twila Paris

Lately I’ve been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I’m amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don’t see inside of me
I’m hiding all the tears

(Chorus)
They don’t know that I go running home when I fall down
They don’t know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
‘Cause deep inside this armour
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because his armour is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I’m amazing
Never face retreat
But they don’t see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don’t know were words that resounded in my head…no one really knows!  Well, Jesus knows, but sometimes (if we’re really honest) we encounter crises of faith and we question whether Jesus even knows.  The fact of the matter is that the whole point of Jesus coming to join us here on earth for a season was so that He would know (as in experience), even as we know.  Jesus gets temptation, and He gets being let-down.  He gets it when Satan is telling Him lies and He has to decide to choose the Truth instead.  He may have never sinned, but He understands the human condition resulting from The Fall.

I guess these are really my pondered thoughts…Sometimes we just don’t know the battles that other people are facing inside, and sometimes others don’t know the battles that we’re facing inside.  Inside battles can be so enormous, and while someone might see a taste of it on your face, in a comment, or in a blog post:), they really don’t know.  But there’s something to intercession and fasting that I’m learning about-and not even as an intercessor, or a faster, right now. 

No matter what kind of battle I’ve been facing over the last several months, God has simply been blowing me away with His faithfulness.  I have been a warrior-but feeling like a child.  But God has been choosing stronger people in my life that are standing as warriors to fight for me.  How humbling.  I’ve had so many people telling me that they’re praying for me, and that God has been placing me on their hearts.  I’ve had people tell me that they’ve been interceding and God just puts my face in front of them…This has been happening for months!  Just like Hannah, He hasn’t forgotten me…although perhaps our physical goals are a little different:) 

The funny thing is that those people, they don’t know…

People don’t have to know.  I mean, it’s good to share our hearts and struggles and sins with each other-that’s vital for growth.  But when people choose to go to war through prayer and fasting, they don’t necessarily have to know what’s going on…God just uses them in battle to fight because they’ve made themselves available to go where He is and obey.  I’ve been humbled knowing that none of the people that have been praying for me have known the depth of why they’re praying for me.  (I’m not even totally sure of that depth)  They’re simply obedient people who love God and love people…and boy do they love to pray:)