So many thoughts run through my head on a day like today. It's Labor Day, the last day of the summer without kids. The day before I am, again, responsible for making sure that 50 4th graders are literate citizens…so that the prison system can be just a little bit smaller 10 years from now.
I woke up this morning with some tasks to complete for the greatest youth ministry in the Metro DC area. Check.
Got to soak for some time and listen to some teaching by Bill Johnson and be encouraged. Check.
Then I moved onto some personal errands, including what was probably the largest charge I've ever had to pay at CVS Pharmacy (nothing major, just the vanity of my skin:). Check.
Thought about doing some school work, but didn't get much farther than checking my email. Check.
Got inspired to plan to go see a band of a couple guys who teach at my school for my birthday. If you're around on September 17 and would like to come, please let me know! All friends are welcome. You can find a sampling here: The Running Record. Planned my birthday event. Check.
I LOOKED AT a workout video online, but for some reason didn't actually do it. Thought about exercising. Check.
Found some new friends on Twitter, and am looking forward to following them…they're quite amazing people, so I expect to be inspired often. Acquired more reasons to sneak on Twitter during my lunch break. Check.
Looked on Craigslist (again) for a home for my friends who are waiting so desperately on Jesus to see what their next step is. Loved me some friends. Check.
Thought about some random facts:
-In 6 days I will be the exact age my mother was when she gave birth to me. (my mother was married, and had her 3rd child the day she turned 32) Felt behind. Check.
-My nephew is the same age that I was when he was born. Felt old. Check.
Listened to this song on repeat-My Romance, with Rick Pino. Romanced by Jesus. Check.
I am currently on Sweep Me Away, with Charlie Hall. Being swept off my feet. Check.
Please allow me to share my monologue that I am processing with Jesus right now ….
Jesus, YOU are the center of my life. You are the engine that runs my day and the oil that keeps that engine healthy. I choose to walk in your Spirit, and to embrace who YOU are to me. More than that, even, I choose to see myself how you see me. I choose to be the woman of God that you've created me to be. Whether I am finding new friends on Twitter, picking up a prescription, or soaking in your powerful presence, I want to be actively aware of what you are doing and how you are moving. I want my sense of you to overwhelm the senseless voice that whispers in my ear…the crap that reminds me just how unvaluable I am to others, and that places other people's opinions higher than your opinion of me. I want to know my value, even on my most worthless of days. I want to want to spend more time with you than I want to spend it with people…and then to actually do that. I repent of my choices to allow other people to determine my worth, and I present my heart to you…broken and ready to be whole. I was made for more than this. I want the overflow of how much you love me to overwhelm the people that I encounter everyday. Meet me where I am. I need your grace. I need your love to move through me. The enemy is very nervous about the ways that you're going to change the students in my classroom this year. He is try to shake me…unnerve me…annoy the crap out of me with other people. In my moments of forgetting that my struggle is against him and not the people around me, he has had measly thoughts of victory. He has been wrong. In my weakness, Lord, you are made strong. As my muscles get broken down when I put strain on them in weight training, and then built up again when I eat healthy doses of protein, so does my spiritual muscle when it is strained…and you feed my spirit with YOU and your words.
"You were running superbly! Who cut in on you, deflecting you from the true course of obedience? This detour doesn't come from the One who called you into the race in the first place. And please don't toss this off as insignificant. It only takes a minute amount of yeast, you know, to permeate an entire loaf of bread. Deep down, the Master has given me confidence that you will not defect. But the one who is upsetting you, whoever he is, will bear the divine judgment." Galatians 5.7-10b (MSG)
My final thoughts before I hit the pillow for some more soaking time (I need to absorb Jesus' presence to the fullest extent before I hit that classroom tomorrow)…Jesus has more for my life than I can see in the natural realm of my sight. God is bigger than what I can see or feel. He knows every detail of every situation I could face and feel anxiety from. He's know every insecurity that would tear me down when friends reject me. He wants my heart, my devotion, my time, my thoughts…and He won't relent until He has every part of me.
Blessed beyond what I deserve.